You’re in pain because of your partner’s sexual behavior. It could be an addiction to porn, an affair, sexting, or other sexual betrayal. If you just discovered the behavior you might be feeling all of these emotions:
Devastated Angry Numb Tearful
Relieved (because you sensed something was wrong, now you know)
Horrified Disgusted Underneath it all — sad beyond words
You’ve been hurt deeply because sexual intimacy is emotional, spiritual and physical. God created sex to be a beautiful expression of love between a husband and wife. Your partner has violated that sacred place between you.
Accept Your Emotions Journal. Cry. Pour out your heart to God. Share what’s happening with a close friend you can trust. Join a support group for sexually betrayed spouses. Many spouses feel as though their world has fallen apart. Consider therapy with a counselor.
Self Care If your partner had physical sex with someone else, you need to see a doctor to screen yourself for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Early detection and treatment are important for your health. Some spouses are too embarrassed to see their regular doctor and schedule at a community clinic instead. Ask your partner to go for testing also. It is not selfish to refrain from sex until you know your partner is physically safe and your relationship has healed emotionally.
Couples Can Recover From These Wounds Your marriage can heal if your partner regrets the betrayal and is willing to get therapeutic help for the roots of the unhealthy sexual behavior. It is tragic when the marriage ends without the couple giving counseling a chance. Sometimes living separately is necessary if either of you is being verbally or physically abusive. If your partner does not see their sexual behavior as a problem you can still pursue healing for yourself. God hurts with you and wants to help you through this painful time.
Resources to Help You Heal and Understand Your Spouse’s Recovery
Spouses of Sex Addicts: Hope for the Journey by Richard Blankenship
Very practical Christian book for wives. A betrayed husband’s story is also included.
The Porn Trap by Wendy and Larry Maltz Research on how porn damages relationships. Secular book with excellent last half for couples recovery.
Not “Just Friends” by Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D. Rebuilding trust and recovering your sanity after infidelity. Secular book with real guidance for healing. Doesn’t just describe the problem. www.shirleyglass.com
Pure Desire by Ted Roberts For Christian men struggling with sexual unhealthiness. www.puredesire.org
No Stones by Marnie Ferree. www.ivpress.com Christian book for women sex addicts.
Parables For Personal Growth by Melinda Reinicke
Healing through parables and reflective explorations. Watch the “Dragon Parable” www.youtube.com/watch?v=6haX7K55TKo
Support Groups for hurting wives and also groups for addicts at local San Diego churches. http://www.unleashedsandiego.com/Christian%20Support%20Groups.pdf
www.newlifepartners.org Christian site for spouses of sex addicts
www.yourbrainonporn.com Secular site for men on the damage & recovery from porn
www.xxxchurch.org The best Christian site on sexual integrity help for the whole family
Professional Counseling 619 298-8722 x101 www.rcacounseling.com Sexual Recovery Treatment Therapy groups for men struggling with pornography or sexual addictions. Men’s Groups Groups for Wives of men struggling with sexual integrity. Workshops for couples.